The art of networking

 

One of women's weakness in finding more opportunities to succeed is networking skill. 
(Britta Thege, DAAD Alumni Seminar, UKI, Jakarta 2014)

It is true, some people could feel uncomfortable meeting new people for the very first time. Although they actually need to extent their network with a list of target contacts in mind, but lack of getting-to-know-you skill could hinder themselves on being succeed in new situations. In order to have a smooth transition in every new situation, there are three things that we need to keep in mind:
*introducing ourselves
*remembering names
*asking questions

I met a woman who was elegant, has a good position in a company and a high profile individual in her society. She told me, that it was difficult for her to start conversation with strangers, so she prefers other people to take initiative to talk to her. She doesn't know what to say, to do, or to ask, in order to start any communication. I couldn't believe that, since she is one of the friendliest individual that I've ever met. However, it is true that there is a typical discomfort for some people to approach other people because she is afraid to bother people then make a mistake or get a rejection. 

In one hand, I have tried to break such a barrier for many years now. I've known as a quite student and hesitated to speak in public. But, as a lecturer who always need to be in front of class most of the time, I learn to compromise the feelings and start to make myself involved in any situation. Besides, having so many friends wherever I go, could lessen the lonely feelings when I am traveling alone. I always in a situation where I am the only woman who's wearing a headscarf, a young South East Asian female, a muslim and an engineer. The only way to feel comfortable in an awkward situation is to chat with someone next to me about something general, then suddenly, I am among the crowd without my uncomfortable feelings. I keep practicing this skill and this helps me a lot in my career now. The idea is to get acquaintance as many as possible to reduce speaking barrier between me and the new situation.

So, this are tips on how to approach people in a new formal situation:
a) Introduce yourself. 
In Japan, after shaking hands, their prefer to exchange their business card, check the card, learn to tell the name and bow to each other. I prefer to use introduce my name and affiliation, then ask a question about something informal. This is where I am trying to find the common ground between me and the person.

b) Remember their names. 
This is the most difficult part of introduction. We don't do this deliberately, but sometimes we keep forgetting other people name. I usually don't forget older people name, but normally couldn't recall younger ones. This is because I used to associate the senior with their work and position, so it is easier for me to remember them. Just pronounce their name again so our brain could record the name.

c) Ask short but important questions or state something general to open the conversation. 
It is quite boring to tell people about yourself, address and occupation for thousand times, but, asking a question about how do you like the city, which part of this city is the most interesting or what do you recommend to see or visit in the city, is quite challenging. However, after sometimes, people don't mind to share their views about the subject and you just carry away with the conversation. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Don't feel bad, just start the same process to other people who seems more open and welcome to us. I don't like to stuck with an old grumpy professor who doesn't want to discuss his knowledge with me. I am as free as other people to leave him to speak to the other guests and learn something as much as I can from others. 

d) Close the loop by saying thank you. 
After having a nice conversation and you get the business card, it's time to say thank you and meet you again. The real test will come later, when the person recognize you again when you meet them, or you are the one who forget them. I don't mind people don't remember me at the second meeting. I'm normally the one who will approach them and trying to remind them about me. Besides, I don't mind if they forget or being indifferent for reasons that I don't know, since I am always free to approach new people and expand my network rather than stuck in one person all the time. 

This networking skill is really invaluable if we want to stay active and find many opportunities when meeting new people. Who knows the person next to you will be your reviewer, next supervisor or colleague, or the person who will offer you his book or resources that you've been searching for many years. Who knows this lady who looks totally different from you is actually your future career mentor. Who knows, also the person who is so quiet could be inspiring when he/she tell you about her research topic and current activities. Still, you will get something valuable, but need to be proactive, effective and passionate about other people. I think that is the beauty of networking and that's why this art need to be mastered with good practices and confidence.  

  Pekanbaru,

How to learn English everyday

I used to tell my students on how I train myself to learn English in order to be a bilingualist. Bilingual means that you're actively using two different languages on daily basis.

I am using English everyday now, not only for speaking, but also thinking, writing and reading, mostly because I don't want to lose this skill. When I returned from the UK, I was aware that I couldn't follow English again if I don't keep practicing it. To my horror, suddenly, on my first night in Indonesia, I read the movie subtitle and forgot to listen.

Then, in my second reversed culture shock from Australia, I didn't want to waste my time again to learn English from the scratch, so I made a goal to do an IELTS or TOEFL test every two years. That means, I must train and build up my English skills everyday by various ways, such as reading English articles, listening to online lecturers in Youtube or even watching BBC Classic Drama quite strictly.

At the beginning, things were quite slow. 

Once I woke up with a brain paralyzed. It didn't want to process anything in English. 

But then, I force myself to read at least one article once I wake up every morning. This is not only for catching up with the vocabularies, but also trying to update my horizons in many areas. I've done this for years now, and feel quite uncomfortable if I don't start my day with any English articles from on-line news or blogs.

This process is a training to grasp English vocab and learn the grammar pattern once I connect with myself everyday. It just takes about less than an hour per day. It needs to be done early morning, when the brain is still in a fresh state. It will work for some time, and you notice there is a change in your brain when it comes to processing some information in English. It is quicker with higher comprehension for any type of information flow in English.

It is also useful to take note on some useful phrases and use them frequently when speaking or writing. I get this advantage when I have to use English spontaneously. It is not difficult to recall some common phrases, but for specific phrases, when we could use it automatically without thinking much, it feels like winning something precious. I noticed, that now I tend to take note of specific terminology and cross check my understanding before use them. Clarity is my weakness, so I have to understand it perfectly before use those specific terminology appropriately to give them a meaning. 

Anyway, we always could train ourselves on learning something. 

The key is to be discipline and has a strong will to master the skill. With a strategy and rigorous routine, you will build up the skill with time. At the end of the day, you will be able to use it without any difficulty to recall it from yourself.

Pekanbaru, 
Learn to be discipline to blogging again!

The Poetic Landscape

It was early afternoon when we arrived in Zaanse Schans, Netherlands (March 2015). 

We wanted to see the windmills and the landscape.

Alhamdulillah, the weather was beautiful. 

We had a blue sky and stunning view in front of us.

It was like in a painting. 

Dehydrated grass, river, soft soil, and wooden bridge as a background. 

I can't help myself not to take a pose there. 

This was truly something to remember.

The poetic landscape.

Pekanbaru, 

The green luggage

That green luggage is a memorable piece from my PhD journey.

I was approved to attend a conference in Kuala Lumpur (2008). My Professor has congratulated and urged me to buy a new luggage (how come that he knew that I would need a smaller suitcase) because I will travel around the world very soon. 

It was a sincere pray from him. 

I know he has some good reasons when he said that. One, is to encourage me to write down and present more publications. Two, is to introduce me to the scientific and industry societies out of the university through networking at conferences. Third, is to allow me to see and experience other cultures. 

He was just so kind!

Then, I started to check some bag stores at Belmont Forum Shopping Center. 

I had a budget, so I looked the ones that suit my limit. The shopkeeper asked me what particular thing that I've been looking for, so I told her my budget and the criteria of the luggage. She was very helpful and gave a recommendation for few nice luggage. Finally, she showed me a green luggage, which is quite spacious for a week travel, neat, has a strong handle and the last one from its series. I was thinking of the color because it is not black. Then she offered a great discount and compared the luggage with the same price. I really thought that she wanted to sell that last luggage and gave a fair offer for me. That was nice!

Shortly, I took the luggage.

We (me and the luggage) have been traveled around Asia (Malaysia, Singapore, China, Vietnam, Japan), Australia, New Zealand, US and Canada. It became a good companion to many places in the world, just as has been promised by my Supervisor. 

What a memorable little thing.

Pekanbaru,

Berkunjung ke Bremen (Part 2)

Ada beberapa tempat menarik di Bremen yang belum sempat dikunjungi seperti kebun obat-obatan abad 15 di klinik Katedral, Museum Mercedes Benz,  Botanical Garden, Bremen Town Musician, dan beberapa art gallery. Sebagai gantinya, kami memanfaatkan waktu untuk berbelanja di pusat kota Bremen yang ramah ibu dan anak. 

Aku dan TO memerlukan sepatu musim dingin berkualitas untuk kuliah di bulan Februari, syal baru, jaket wool ringan dengan model terkini, makanan khas Asia (semoga ada Indomie) dan kartu telepon murah ke Asia. Alhamdulillah, aku mendapatkan sepatu musim dingin keren bermerk Rieker-anti stress dengan harga diskon lumayan. Sepatu semi-hak tinggi itu dirancang agar kaki pemakainya tidak kesakitan setelah menggunakannya selama berjam-jam. Syal dan jaket tidak jadi dibeli karena harganya terlalu mahal. Aku agak terhibur karena kartu telepon Lyca dan beberapa buah indomie dapat ditemukan di toko makanan Asia dekat stasiun kereta api Bremen. 

Aku memesan pizza tipis isi tomat dan daun basil sambil berdoa semoga kejunya menggunakan rennet sapi untuk makan siang. No choice. Aku, dan teman-teman melongo melihat ukuran pizza yang super lebar yang ditaruh di talenan. Pizza tipis yang panas itu hanya bisa muat beberapa potong di perutku. Aku tidak sanggup menghabiskannya sendiri. Pelan-pelan dan diam-diam kutawarkan sebagian besar pizza ke teman-teman yang menerimanya dengan rasa berterima kasih. "Nice pizza", kataku puas kepada LO. "Well yeah, I saw what you've done with your pizza" jawab si LO setengah mesem. 

Berkat tiket grup itu, kami harus melewatkan waktu bersama-sama. Apalagi saat itu belum ada grup WhatsApp sehingga bak anak-anak terikat tali, kami terpaksa memutuskan lewat musyawarah hendak ke mana dan melakukan apa. Teman-teman ingin melihat kota Bremen sambil naik tram. Tram itu mengingatkanku pada Melbourne, tetapi tramnya lebih panjang, bersih, efisien dan cepat. Pemandangan kota cukup lumayan di daerah suburb dengan tata kota dan rumah-rumah teratur di sepanjang jalan. Aku menikmati alam hijau di akhir musim panas negara Jerman. Sebentar kemudian, perjalanan tram berakhir. Sebuah pusat perbelanjaan besar menunggu kami. Beberapa orang melanjutkan mencari barang-barang yang mereka ingin bawa untuk oleh-oleh, seperti cemilan, coklat, dan pakaian. Aku berbelanja sayur dan buah untuk makanan di hotel. Apel di Jerman enak sekali rasanya, sangat crunchy dan segar. Temanku memilih beberapa coklat untuk dibawa pulang. 

Diam-diam aku mengamati cara orang Jerman berinteraksi di tempat umum. Seorang ibu muda membayar sambil berbincang lama dengan kasir yang terus menghitung harga barang-barang. Si ibu masih sempat marah-marah dengan dua anaknya dengan nada tinggi. Beberapa orang yang mengantri sampai geleng-geleng kepala melihat kekacauan di depan mata kami itu. Kemudian ada keluarga super kalem yang memberikan teladan bagaimana seharusnya sebuah keluarga harmonis di Jerman. Suami-istri bergantian meletakkan barang-barang di meja kassa, sesekali berbincang serius sambil menunjuk barang, dan melihat anak-anak yang berdiri tenang di depan mereka.

Hari sudah semakin sore ketika kami naik tram kembali ke stasiun kereta api untuk mengejar kereta pukul lima sore. Beberapa teman tinggal di Bremen untuk melanjutkan jalan-jalan sampai nanti malam karena tiket kereta masih berlaku sampai akhir pekan berakhir.

Tetapi kami, keempat wanita pejalan kaki sangat ingin tiba di hotel sebelum gelap. Saat itu maghrib sekitar pukul 8 malam. Perjalanan memakan waktu sekitar 1 jam dan kami masih harus menunggu bis yang akan membawa kami ke hotel. Perjalanan singkat itu kami habiskan dengan bertukar informasi mengenai negara-negara tempat tinggal kami dan beberapa adat istiadat dengan ceria. Begitu sampai di Oldenburg train station, bus yang akan membawa kami ke hotel tidak perlu ditunggu terlalu lama.

Perjalanan mengunjungi Bremen mungkin terasa sangat singkat tetapi belum terlalu padat. Begitu banyak sejarah dan 'gem' yang belum kueksplor atau kuamati sendiri. Barangkali aku harus kembali ke sana suatu hari nanti.

Pekanbaru,

Berkunjung ke Bremen (Part 1)

Sabtu pertama di Jerman (September 2014)

Hari itu kami diajak berkunjung ke Bremen. 

Dua puluh lima orang yang sangat gembira dikawal dua Liasson Officer dari kampus berangkat pagi-pagi sekali dengan kereta api dari Oldenburg. Perjalanan tersebut memakan waktu sekitar 1 jam. 

Kami dibelikan tiket grup, yakni satu tiket bisa digunakan oleh empat orang selama akhir pekan untuk berkunjung ke tempat-tempat di Lower Saxony (hingga Hamburg). Aku bergabung dengan beberapa teman dari Sudan dan Vietnam. Kami berjanji untuk menikmati Bremen dan pulang bersama-sama ke Oldenburg. 

Sebelum sampai di Bremen, kami diturunkan di tengah jalan oleh kereta api karena kereta api rusak. Kami terpaksa berdiri menggigil selama nyaris satu jam di peron stasiun untuk menunggu kereta berikutnya yang akan datang. Belum tentu kami mendapatkan tempat duduk. LO cukup putus asa karena harus mengurus dua puluh lima orang yang harus berada dalam satu kereta. Aku kehilangan syal yang kubeli di Manchester 14 tahun silam. Barangkali karena terburu-buru harus mengosongkan kereta, dan aku lupa mengeceknya. Tetapi tidak apa, siapa tahu aku akan kembali ke Jerman suatu hari nanti karena meninggalkan syal tersebut di sana. 

Kami berhasil tiba di Bremen satu jam kemudian. 

Pemandu wisata yang menanti kami agak was-was karena ia sudah ada janji dengan grup lain. Kehilangan satu jam, berarti masalah dengan disiplin dan uang. Agak bertolak belakang dengan apa yang terjadi hari ini. Tetapi kami berusaha mengikutinya meski harus setengah berlari. Ia pemandu yang menyenangkan dengan bahasa Inggris fasih, asal ia tidak cepat-cepat dan terus memaksa kami berjalan. 

 Bremen adalah kota pelabuhan di tepi sungai Weser yang sudah ada 1200 tahun yang lalu. Berada di Eropa, berarti membicarakan segala sesuatu berumur paling kurang ratusan tahun. Aku tidak heran, karena pernah mengunjungi tempat-tempat bersejarah ratusan tahun di Inggris. Untuk kota setua Bremen, ceritanya bisa sangat panjang dan butuh beberapa perpustakaan jika ingin mempelajarinya secara detil. Untuk menyingkat cerita, beberapa tempat yang bermakna dan telah kukunjungi adalah sebagai berikut. 

Town Hall, dibangun pada tahun 1405-1410, termasuk UNESCO World Heritage sejak tahun 2004. 

Markplatz (Market square), terletak di depan Town Hall, adalah semacam pasar yang sekarang berubah menjadi restoran, hotel, tempat bersantai masyarakat di Bremen. Bangunan beraneka bentuk dan warna menghiasi landmark unggulan di Jerman tersebut. 




Schnoor Viertel, adalah kompleks kios dan rumah-rumah penduduk miskin di Bremen pada abad 15/16. Schnoor menjadi bagian atraksi turis yang ingin menikmati dan merasakan berada di antara bangunan rapat-rapat dan berjejer seperti mutiara berbaris dalam satu rangkaian dengan jalan-jalan kecil di antara bangunan. 

Rute Schnoor sangat menarik karena melewati toko-toko suvenir unik, cafe, restoran mungil, produk kerajinan tangan, dan rumah dengan kebun-kebun kecil penuh bunga-bunga cantik. 

Kami mengunjungi beberapa toko yang menjual suvenir liontin kaca dan bonbon (permen) khas Bremen (Bremen Bonbon Manufaktur). Kami bisa melihat orang membuat permen dari luar toko.





Schalachte Embankment at Weser Riverside, tempat di pinggir sungai Weser di tengah kota Bremen. Di tepi sungai dibangun trotoar yang sangat lebar sehingga orang bisa berjalan kaki maupun bersepeda dengan leluasa di sana. Pada hari Sabtu, digelar antique dan flea market, sejenis pasar loak yang memperdagangkan barang-barang second hand, seperti car boot sale di Inggris atau Sunday Market di Australia. 

 













Aneka bangsa berbaur dalam tawar-menawar, menjajakan barang, tukar-menukar kata-kata atau saling mengamati barang-barang yang dijual. Aku hanya bisa melihat dengan kasihan beberapa orang Turki atau Timur Tengah yang menjual barang-barang kurang layak pakai. Sempat kaget juga melihat sepasang suami-istri Indonesia (dari jilbab sarungnya) yang menawarkan beberapa barang bekas seperti kipas angin dan mesin jahit. 

Saat berjalan meninggalkan embankment, hidung kami disergap bau ikan asap yang Masya Allah, wanginya... sehingga selama di Jerman aku sesekali memakan ikan kaleng dan kerang asap karena tidak tahan baunya yang sangat menggoda.


City Centre Flower Market, pasar bunga segar. Beberapa kali aku terpesona melihat aneka bunga yang belum pernah kulihat sebelumnya seperti Clematis merambat berwarna pink. Rangkaian Hydrangea, mawar, dan krisan ditata berjejer di halaman. Bunga-bunga itu pastilah datang langsung dari Belanda (aku melihat nama suppliernya di truk pembawa). Beraneka umbi-umbian untuk ditanam di musim gugur juga banyak dijajakan. Umbi daffodil, narcissus, tulip, hyacinth, memenuhi kotak-kotak di depan kios. Pemandangan sangat menyegarkan dan tidak bisa kulupakan. 



Bersambung ke 'Berkunjung ke Bremen (Part 2)'

Pekanbaru,

Bertemu NH Dhini

Seri kenangan dari penulis NH Dhini sudah kuikuti sejak tahun 1998. 

'Sebuah Lorong di Kotaku' dan 'Padang Ilalang di Belakang Rumah' adalah buku-buku dari seri tersebut yang kumiliki pada awalnya. Kesengsem dengan cerita-cerita tentang masa kecil, alam, dan perjalanan beliau, aku mulai membeli judul-judul lain yakni 'Langit dan Buku Sahabat Kami', 'Sekayu', dan 'Kuncup Berseri'. 

Pada tahun 1999-2000, aku studi di UK sehingga tidak bisa membaca buku-buku beliau. 

Tetapi, sebelum berangkat ke UK, aku diberi buku 'Djalan Bandungan' oleh seorang teman. Buku itu kubawa ke Manchester sebagai salah satu bacaan penting karena sang tokoh utama melakukan kursus singkat ke Belanda. Cerita sang tokoh sangat cocok dengan spiritku yang baru pertama kali ke Eropa untuk studi. Beberapa poin penting sempat kutulis dalam post berikut. 

Sepulangnya dari Eropa pada tahun 2000, buku 'Kemayoran' telah menantiku. Secara berturut-turut, buku-buku lain berjudul 'Jepun Negerinya Hiroko, 2001', 'Dari Parangakik ke Kampuchea, 2003', dan 'Dari Fontenay ke Magallianes, 2005' diterbitkan. Meski harus menunggu dua tahun sekali (mirip film Trilogi 'Lords of the Ring), cerita perjalanan hidup bu Dhini semakin seru. Aku semakin menikmati tips-tips praktis dan cara pandang bu Dhini. Saat itu beliau sudah pernah tinggal di Jepang, Kamboja, Filipina dan Perancis. Rasanya ingin sekali menetap dan berpindah-pindah negara untuk mengalami sendiri hidup di lingkungan asing dan belajar banyak hal. Kisah-kisah perjalanan beliau ke Vietnam, Hong Kong dan Perancis Selatan juga memicu untuk melakukan perjalanan suatu hari nanti ke negara-negara tersebut.

Saat studi di Australia tahun 2007-2011, aku tidak lupa mengikuti kelanjutan seri kenangan bu Dhini. Keluarga membawakan buku 'La Grande Bourne, 2007', dan 'Argentuil, 2008' yang mulai banyak menyinggung riak dan gelombang dalam pernikahannya, meski cerita-cerita perjalanannya di Perancis dan USA serta pengamatan lapangan tetap menyenangkan untuk diikuti.

Setelah studiku berakhir dan aku pulang ke tanah air pada tahun 2011, buku 'Pondok Baca: Kembali ke Semarang' sudah ada di toko buku. Selama menunggu kelanjutan buku, tahun 2008-2011 aku bisa berpuas hati membaca koleksi tulisan bu Dhini di perpustakaan Curtin University. Tahun berikutnya, bu Dhini melengkapi cerita kepulangannya ke tanah air melalui buku 'Dari Rue Saint Simon ke Jalan Lembang, 2012'. Banyak hal menarik yang beliau alami pada masa reverse culture shock tersebut sempat kualami saat pulang ke Indonesia.

Lama-lama ingin sekali bertemu beliau di Yogyakarta. Aku sudah membuat rencana untuk suatu hari nanti. Tetapi aku tidak pernah perlu datang ke sana. Alhamdulillah, pada akhir Desember 2014, setelah menghadiri Australia Awards Alumni Annual Dinner di Jakarta, aku bertemu bu Dhini sendiri di Bandara Soekarno Hatta. 

Aku tengah melewati kafe di dekat pintu masuk ke terminal keberangkatan. Tiba-tiba mataku menangkap seseorang dengan wajah familiar duduk tenang sendirian di sana. Batinku sempat bertanya, siapakah ibu yang wajahnya seperti sangat kukenal ini? Mendadak aku ingat wajahnya yang ada di cover buku-buku. Lalu aku tersenyum pada beliau dan beliau membalas. 

Tanpa basa-basi aku bertanya, "Maaf, ibu Dhini ya?" 

Ibu cantik itu mengangguk dan tersenyum lebih lebar. Sebenarnya aku malu, barangkali cara bertanyaku kurang sopan. Tetapi aku jauh lebih malu saat beliau mengiyakan aku jadi ingin menangis karena mataku langsung berkaca-kaca begitu melihat bu Dhini. Oh, beginikah rasanya ya ketemu seseorang yang sudah lama ingin kita temui! (Jadi ingat kata Ustadz Kazim, "bagaimana lagi ceritanya kalau kita bertemu dengan Rasulullah SAW di akhirat kelak, pasti lebih tidak tahan untuk menangis keras-keras karena selama ini hanya mendengar tentang beliau, mengenali dan mengikuti ajarannya saja...")

Bu Dhini ingin tahu mengapa aku mengenalinya padahal belum pernah bertemu. Aku cuma bisa tersenyum dan mengatakan bahwa aku ingat foto beliau di buku-bukunya.

Syukurlah bu Dhini tetap tenang dan bercerita bahwa ia baru pulang dari sebuah pertemuan. Aku menerangkan diriku, pekerjaan dan pulang dari kegiatan di Jakarta. Kami berbicara tentang buku terbaru beliau, kemungkinan mengundang beliau ke Pekanbaru (lagi) dan hal-hal kecil lain yang tidak bisa kuingat. 

Kukatakan pada beliau apa yang ingin kukatakan kepadanya sejak aku mengikuti seri kenangan:

a) Tentang diriku yang belajar soal moral, disiplin, keahlian berteman, habit menulis, pandangan tentang kehidupan, dan aneka tips menarik mengenai adaptasi dengan orang asing. 

b) Tentang buku-bukunya yang menginspirasiku untuk bepergian ke luar negeri sembari berlibur, bekerja atau sekolah. Aku berusaha merentangkan kemampuanku dan semangat untuk bisa ikut merasakan dan menikmati pandangan-pandangannya di berbagai negara. Baru-baru ini aku mengunjungi Jerman, Belanda, Dubai, sedangkan sebelumnya pernah ke Saudi Arabia, Tiongkok, Vietnam, Jepang, USA, Kanada, Selandia Baru, serta menetap sebentar di Inggris dan Australia. 

Bu Dhini merasa senang mendengar hal itu. Beliau bersyukur kalau tulisan beliau bermanfaat dan menginspirasi pengembangan diriku.

Sebenarnya beliau sudah mengajarkan banyak hal tentang menjadi 'international citizen' lewat tulisannya. Kemampuan adaptasi di lingkungan asing, kemampuan membuka jejaring, disiplin, produktif, berpikiran terbuka terhadap perubahan dan mampu bertahan dalam situasi apapun (resilience and endurance), tatakrama, kemandirian, dan banyak hal lain. Aku sudah mempertimbangkan dan melakukan mana yang baik untuk kuikuti dan hal mana yang tidak kusetujui. Toh aku sudah dewasa. 

Bu Dhini bilang bahwa buku terbarunya (Dari Ngalian ke Sendowo) akan terbit pada tahun depan (2015). Buku itu baru kudapatkan beberapa hari lalu di Gramedia.

Banyak pertanyaan lain yang ingin kuungkapkan, tetapi aku sudah banyak mengetahui tentang kehidupan beliau dari buku-bukunya. Aku lalu berpamitan, dan membiarkan bu Dhini bersiap-siap untuk berangkat ke gate keberangkatan pesawat ke Semarang. Jika aku bisa memberikan sesuatu yang lebih berarti untuk beliau, pasti akan kuberikan saat itu juga, batinku berkata.

Setelah bertemu langsung, aku merasa lebih mengenal beliau. Beliau seperti seorang budhe dan teman lama yang bijak, dan (mudah-mudahan) akan selalu menemani dengan buku-buku berikutnya dari seri kenangan. 

Pekanbaru,

A tale of a stern lecturer

Interestingly, after spending some time abroad, we try to reflect our behavior to people around us. We are not only improving our own personality traits, but also wanting to teach our families/students/colleagues and society about what we've learned there.

I pointed out one thing, about 'being a nice lecturer' to our students.

Before I went to Australia, I was known as a 'stern lecturer'. I was not proud of it, but couldn't change my attitude to students that easily. I had a strong reason to behave like a 'killer professor'. It was difficult to discipline the students with nice and gentle manners. Presumably, they react better under stiff direction and in a harsh environment.

Perhaps, lack of confident is the only reason, since there was an expectation to increase the students competitiveness at national level. We, the lecturers, push and put them in our created 'hell' during our 4-5 years training. When the students work hard and perform well, we are confident that they will be adaptable and successful in working environment.

However, when I taught students in Australia, I must admit that my 'stern' style was not applicable in their environment, except for Asian students. 

I was seen once as a strange tutor. 
It was not nice, until one day I realized that the essence of working in a typical stable and developed environment. They don't need too many directions because they are very independent and self-directed. So, there's no need to be a stern tutor in that class. I'm just delivering a knowledge!

Then, I adjusted my style. I put control on my respond, tone and expectation towards the students. If I got frustrated in explaining a concept to one or two native students, I asked their native peers to help them. Later, I was praised by some native students because of being clear and organized. Suddenly I started to feel very confident to teach them.

How about the Asian students? 

Well, I used a modified-stern approach to them. 

I was still quite severe, but in a different way. 

Asian students are used to be taught in stern environment. Their teachers don't really praise them for their achievements, point out more on their weaknesses, and expect them to be a high performer. Majority of their teachers incline to spoon feeding them with knowledge rather than ask them to find out themselves. They find it is difficult to work without direction, because their creativity means taking too much time to evaluate the whole class performance. In Asia, we're commonly dealing with a highly-number of students in one class, so efficiency means a lot to every teacher. As the result, majority of the students become quite dependent and spoiled. They prefer to ask than think independently, because the final output is more meaningful in evaluating their performance.

No wonder, it takes a huge tons of discipline to achieve the same level of standard with students from developed country. We also worry if they don't perform well, since it means they have small opportunities in life after graduation.

However, in the past two years, I began to evaluate my style in teaching. Gradually, I become nicer and more positive to the students. 

Yet, there is always an impression that I'm a stern lecturer (elephant never forget, I guess), but I am more approachable and focus on their ability than their poor attitudes now. I told more stories and cases to lift up their motivation and to enhance their knowledge about in many aspects. Sometimes I challenge them to work beyond their limit, but not too pushy like any military general anymore.

I also started to appreciate a process in doing anything. 

I was taught by my own experience in doing research or study abroad, that the lecturers sometimes more value the hard work than the final results. It is also important to do an impressive work, but it is not always the case if the impact of the hard work is more obvious for a long term performance.

Final reason, may be because of 'the age'. The older we are, the wiser and more tolerant we will be, normally. No further explanation is needed.

Pekanbaru,

Book: Legacy

 
 Just finished this one, from Danielle Steel.

I have liked Danielle Steel since many years ago. 

There is always a fairy tale between male-female, prince-princess, commoner-royal people, etc. It is always difficult relationship at the beginning, but has a happy ending at the end. It's just so simple, but still, intriguing, due to her richness of knowledge about love and relationship between different gender. 

I do love her books with a history behind it, like Jewels, Zoya, No Greater Love, The Ring. A love story with a history background is always meaningful. 

Recently, I read this 'Legacy'. 

I really didn't mean to throw myself at any love story again, because I'm more Paulo Coelho fans at the moment (who's trying to be wise and honorable). However, once I read the first paragraph, it becomes the whole book in three days. How special this story was!

Legacy is about a journey of a young woman (Briggite) in finding her ancestor. It started with she was dumped by her long term boyfriend, and lost her job in the same week. Then, to overcome her difficult time, she helped her mother to track down their ancestor. It was interesting to find out that her ancestor was not only a marquis from Paris, France, but there was a Sioux lady appeared to be her great-great-great grandmother. She traced the history in some cities in the US, and made a great progress until she had to come to Paris to find information about her and their life in Brittany, France. 

Wachiwi, the Sioux lady has an interesting background also. She has endured many painful events and finally got married to a royal/marquis in France. Her presence in Paris at the time when Louis XIV and Maria Antoinette were king and queen, was also quite an addition of the story.

Somehow, this book is inspiring not only because of Brigitte determination to find the family tree and root, but also to learn from her interesting spirit and life history. 

I appreciated Danielle Steel skill of binding a relationship between male-female, husband-wife, and lovers within the story, and make it very meaningful. It is more deep on my side, since I need to recharge my knowledge again about it. It is true, everything is not a fairy tale, but it happens in life, too, and we could learn something from it.

This is just a nice love story for some people, I guess. 

Pekanbaru,

Khawatir

Beberapa minggu lalu aku bertemu seorang teman yang baru saja mendapatkan rezeki dari Allah, sekolah ke luar negeri. 

Setelah mengucapkan selamat dan rasa bahagia atas prestasinya tersebut, kami mulai membahas tips-tips sekolah di luar negeri.

Berhubung aku punya beberapa masukan penting, dimulai dari persiapan keberangkatan, proses studi, manajemen publikasi sampai manajemen waktu studi, termasuk traveling, sudah kusampaikan. 

Tetapi, pernyataan teman berikut yang membuat aku sedikit shock:
"Saya khawatir nanti pengalaman yang menimpa bapak AB dan ibu (sambil menyebutkan namaku) dengan pembimbing akan terjadi pada saya saat sekolah..."

Wow, pikirku sedikit tersinggung *tepok jidat*.

Rasanya kesulitan waktu studi sudah bagian dari perjuangan tiap orang yang menjalaninya, lalu mengapa langsung menunjuk ke kami yang bermasalah tersebut ya? 

Lalu, apakah tidak bisa melihat akhir manis dari perjuangan berdarah-darah itu kini? Sedangkan teman yang mengalami pengalaman 'horror' (bukan film hantu) saat sekolah itu malah berhasil sebagai salah satu peneliti berbakat tingkat internasional dan sekarang berkiprah di level nasional. 

Sambil sedikit sesak, aku merasa pengalaman selama studi S3 itu sangat berharga sekali, terutama untuk pengembangan diri, kreativitas serta sikap mentalku. Hal itu membantu sekali saat mengajar dan membimbing mahasiswa di lingkungan kampus.

Well, aku jadi penasaran bagaimana cerita studi temanku ini nanti.

So, setelah menarik nafas panjang lebar, dalam dan agak lama, aku baru berani mengatakan:

"Pak, perjalanan studi S3 itu sangat heroik. Tidak sepatutnya bapak sangat khawatir mengalami kejadian kami tadi, karena pasti ada saja kesulitan lain yang akan dialami dan tidak sama persis tetapi level menyakitkannya hampir sama. 

Beberapa teman yang sangat bangga dengan kelancaran tesis, ternyata mengalami masalah dengan keluarganya yang cukup menyita waktu dan menambah panjang lama masa studi. Sedangkan orang yang selama studi banyak masalah dengan teknis penelitian/pembimbing/non teknis lain, kadang tidak ada masalah dengan keluarga. 

Insya Allah akan terjadi sesuatu, tetapi jangan khawatir, karena kita sedang diuji, dan pasti kita harus bisa menghadapinya karena studi S3 bukan main-main. Jika memang bisa mengambil sisi positif dari perjuangan heroik itu, Insya Allah kita akan lebih kaya pengalaman dan bijaksana".

Subhanallah... speechless saye...

(source: https://www.facebook.com/sheikhmuizbukhary/photos/a.500310050056452.1073741829.500118550075602/824941647593289/?type=1&theater)

Pekanbaru,