(Britta Thege, DAAD Alumni Seminar, UKI, Jakarta 2014)
Some people could feel uncomfortable meeting new people for the first time. Although they need to extend their network with a list of target contacts in mind, lacking getting-to-know-you skills could hinder them from succeeding in new situations. To have a smooth transition in every new situation, there are three things that we need to keep in mind:
*introducing ourselves
*remembering names
*asking questions
I met a woman who was elegant, has a good position in a company and a high profile individual in her society. She told me that it was difficult for her to start a conversation with strangers, so she preferred other people to take the initiative to talk to her. She doesn't know what to say, do, or ask to start any communication. I couldn't believe that since she is one of the friendliest individuals I've ever met. However, there is a typical discomfort for some people when approaching others because she is afraid to bother people and then make a mistake or get rejected.
On one hand, I have tried to break such a barrier for many years now. I'm known as a quiet student who hesitates to speak in public. But, as a lecturer who always needs to be in front of the class most of the time, I learned to compromise my feelings and start to make myself involved in any situation. Besides, having so many friends wherever I go could lessen my loneliness when travelling alone. I am always in a situation where I am the only woman who's wearing a headscarf, a young South East Asian female, a Muslim and an engineer. The only way to feel comfortable in an awkward situation is to chat with someone beside me about something general. Then suddenly, I am among the crowd without my uncomfortable feelings. I keep practising this skill, which significantly helps me in my career. The idea is to get as many acquaintances as possible to reduce the peaking barrier between me and the new situation.
So, these are tips on how to approach people in a new formal situation:
a) Introduce yourself.
In Japan, after shaking hands, people prefer to exchange their business cards, check the cards, learn to tell each other's names, and bow to each other. I prefer to introduce myself and my affiliation, then ask a question about something informal. This is where I am trying to find common ground with the person.
b) Remember their names.
This is the most difficult part of the introduction. We don't do this deliberately, but sometimes, we keep forgetting other people's names. I usually don't forget older people's names, but I normally can't recall younger ones. This is because I used to associate seniors with their work and position, so it is easier for me to remember them. Just pronounce their name again so our brain can record the name.
c) Ask short but important questions or state something general to open the conversation.
It is quite boring to tell people about yourself, your address and your occupation a thousand times, but asking a question about how you like the city, which part of this city is the most interesting, or what you recommend to see or visit to the town is quite challenging. However, some people don't mind sharing their views about the subject; you just carry away with the conversation. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Don't feel bad, just start the same process to other people who seems more open and welcome to us. I don't like to be stuck with an old grumpy professor who doesn't want to discuss his knowledge with me. I am as free as other people to leave him to speak to the other guests and learn something as much as I can from others.
d) Close the loop by saying thank you.
After having a pleasant conversation and you get the business card, it's time to say thank you and meet you again. The real test will come later, when the person recognizes you again when you meet them, or you are the one who forgets them. I don't mind if people don't remember me at the second meeting. I'm usually the one who will approach them and try to remind them about me. Besides, I don't mind if they forget or become indifferent for reasons I don't know since I am always free to approach new people and expand my network rather than being stuck in one person all the time.
This networking skill is invaluable if we want to stay active and find many opportunities to meet new people. Who knows who next to you will be your reviewer, next supervisor or colleague, or the person who will offer you his book or resources you've been searching for many years. Who knows, this lady who looks totally different from you is your future career mentor. Who knows, a person who is so quiet could also be inspiring when he/she tells you about his/her research topic and current activities. You will get something valuable, but you need to be proactive, practical, and passionate about other people. That is the beauty of networking, and that's why this art needs to be mastered with good practice and confidence.
Pekanbaru,
